Transcript
[0:00] Is morning hard for you? When you wake
[0:02] up, do you find that you've got some
[0:04] tough feelings and maybe a little more
[0:06] stress than you'd like? That describes a
[0:09] lot of people. That will tell you about
[0:11] your emotional baseline. How you wake up
[0:13] feeling in the morning on an average
[0:15] day, not a day where you slept nothing
[0:17] or god forbid that you're hung over. I'm
[0:19] talking about a normal day when you've
[0:21] gotten enough sleep, but you wake up and
[0:22] you're kind of out of sorts. You might
[0:24] say to yourself, "Okay, sure. Sure,
[0:26] buddy. I'll get up at 4:30 in the
[0:27] morning, but I'm hitting the espresso
[0:28] machine first. That's my first stop,
[0:30] right? No, I don't recommend that. I
[0:33] have used all of my background in
[0:34] behavioral science and everything I've
[0:36] learned about biology as well to put
[0:38] together a morning protocol that is
[0:41] enhancing of my well-being by managing
[0:44] the negative side of my affect profile.
[0:46] And you can do it too.
[0:53] [Music]
[0:54] Hi friends, welcome to office hours. I'm
[0:56] Arthur Brooks. I'm a professor at
[0:58] Harvard University. I'm also the author
[1:00] of How to Build a Life, a column at The
[1:02] Atlantic about happiness. I'm a
[1:05] behavioral scientist dedicated to
[1:06] lifting people up and bringing them
[1:08] together in bonds of happiness and love
[1:09] using science and ideas. And this
[1:12] podcast is intended to help you to do
[1:14] exactly the same thing, to become a
[1:16] happier person and to bring more
[1:18] happiness to the world around you. Thank
[1:20] you for watching my podcast and and for
[1:22] subscribing and and liking and leaving
[1:24] comments. Thanks also for recommending
[1:26] this show. I know a lot of people are
[1:28] recommending it to others and I
[1:29] appreciate that a lot. We need as many
[1:31] people as we can looking at content
[1:33] about happiness and applying it to their
[1:35] lives. Please do leave a a review or a
[1:38] rating and a comment. We look at all the
[1:40] comments and we appreciate them a lot.
[1:41] Also, if you have any questions or or
[1:43] comments or criticisms or any other way
[1:46] that you want to interact with us, the
[1:48] the email to the show is office
[1:50] hours.com.
[1:52] We're looking forward to hearing from
[1:53] you. This week, I want to talk about how
[1:56] to start your day in the best possible
[1:58] way to set you up for well-being. Now,
[2:02] what I'm going to do today is to talk to
[2:04] you about how I do that. My life is
[2:07] based on protocols. My life is based on
[2:10] a tremendous amount of discipline. And
[2:11] the reason for that is because happiness
[2:13] doesn't have to be left up to chance. I
[2:15] mean, a good deal of it depends on
[2:17] what's going on around you to be sure.
[2:19] But there's a lot more of it in your
[2:20] hands than you probably ever understood.
[2:23] And if you follow my work, you know that
[2:25] there are many habits that you can adopt
[2:28] that will make you happier today, also
[2:30] less unhappy. I'll talk about that
[2:32] distinction in this episode. Really,
[2:35] today is about the protocols that I've
[2:37] developed over the years that have
[2:38] tremendously improved my life, that have
[2:41] made my life so much better than it had
[2:43] been in the past. And I'm going to tell
[2:45] you why that is and exactly how you can
[2:47] adopt these ideas and adapt them to your
[2:50] routines as well today. A mad
[2:54] scientist's
[2:55] morning well-being protocol. Now, I've
[2:58] just referred to myself as a mad
[2:59] scientist, and let me tell you why. In a
[3:01] past episode, I talked about positive
[3:03] and negative emotions. The fact is that
[3:05] the lyic system of the brain produces
[3:07] positive and negative emotions for very
[3:09] specific reasons. You need both. You
[3:12] need positive, you need negative. And if
[3:14] you don't have one or the other, your
[3:16] life isn't going to work right. A lot of
[3:17] people say, "I want good feelings and I
[3:19] don't want bad feelings." And I say,
[3:20] "That's wrong. There's no such thing as
[3:23] bad feelings." If you didn't have
[3:24] negative emotions, you'd be dead in a
[3:26] week. They're an alarm system for what's
[3:28] going on around you. Fear, anger,
[3:30] disgust, and sadness. The trouble is
[3:32] that for a lot of people, they have very
[3:33] intense negative emotionality. As a
[3:35] matter of fact, as makes perfect sense,
[3:38] half of the population is above average
[3:40] in the intensity of the production of
[3:42] their negative emotions. We're not all
[3:44] the same. One of the things that I do
[3:46] and I've talked about a little bit in
[3:48] the past is the categorization of the
[3:50] intensity of emotions that people feel.
[3:52] Above average positive, above average
[3:55] negative, below average positive, below
[3:57] average negative. Now, you know that you
[3:59] can interact these two things and you
[4:01] get four kinds of people. Some people
[4:03] they're really above average positive
[4:05] and below average negative. Isn't that
[4:07] great? We call them cheerleaders. Some
[4:10] people are low on both sides. These are
[4:12] low affect people. They're low positive
[4:14] and low negative in intensity. They're
[4:16] judges. Some people are high negative
[4:18] and low positive. We call them poets.
[4:22] And then there are the people who are
[4:24] intense on both. High negative and high
[4:26] positive. Those are the mad scientists.
[4:29] And that's me. I feel things very
[4:32] intensely. And that's great on the
[4:34] positive side, but I need to manage the
[4:36] negative side. Today I'm going to tell
[4:38] you how I do that. Because a lot of you
[4:40] watching, well, one of the reasons that
[4:42] you're watching this content, you're
[4:43] interested in it, is not just because
[4:45] you're trying to feel more joyful every
[4:47] minute, but you're trying to manage
[4:50] negative emotionality, which actually
[4:52] has a negative impact from time to time
[4:54] on your happiness. I'm not talking about
[4:56] clinical problems here. I'm talking
[4:58] about ordinary life. And you may you may
[5:00] have noticed that you have some, you
[5:02] know, some ups and that's great, but
[5:03] some downs that are pretty intense as
[5:05] well. What can you do every day to
[5:08] manage the intensity of your negative
[5:11] emotions such that it doesn't feel
[5:12] disregulated and obstruct your quality
[5:15] of life? I'm going to give you a whole
[5:17] bunch of ideas that I follow and the the
[5:20] schedule on which I follow these ideas
[5:22] every single day that has dramatically
[5:24] improved my quality of life. During the
[5:27] coronairus epidemic when almost
[5:29] everybody was locked down, me included.
[5:31] I thought I could use the time well by
[5:34] experimenting on myself a little bit.
[5:36] That led to a lot of research that I
[5:37] talk about in this show and that I write
[5:39] about as well. But it also included some
[5:42] experiments that I did on my health. I
[5:43] was looking for new ways to get
[5:45] multivitamins that were easy to absorb
[5:47] pre and probiotics which are great for
[5:49] my health, antioxidants, superfoods. And
[5:52] I made a great discovery during those
[5:54] years. I found AG1. It's an all-in-one
[5:57] place daily health drink that gives me
[6:00] all the things that I need and I've been
[6:01] a paying customer ever since. That's why
[6:03] I'm so pleased that AG1 NextGen is now a
[6:06] sponsor of office hours. So, head on
[6:09] over to drinkagg.com/arththurbrooks
[6:12] for a free welcome kit. You'll get a
[6:14] bottle of vitamin D and five free
[6:16] starter packs of AG1. That's a $76 value
[6:19] when you subscribe. That's
[6:21] drinkagg.com/Arthurbrooks
[6:23] to try AG1 today. Now, let's start off
[6:27] with a couple of questions. Is morning
[6:30] hard for you? When you wake up, do you
[6:33] find that you've got some tough feelings
[6:35] and maybe a little more stress than
[6:37] you'd like? That describes a lot of
[6:39] people. That will tell you about your
[6:41] emotional baseline. How you wake up
[6:43] feeling in the morning on an average
[6:45] day, not a day where you slept nothing
[6:47] or god forbid that you're hung over. But
[6:49] I'm talking about a normal day when
[6:51] you've gotten enough sleep, but you wake
[6:52] up and you're kind of out of sorts.
[6:54] People with high highly intense negative
[6:57] affect, which is what we call mood in my
[7:00] business, they tend to be these these
[7:02] people with this high negative
[7:03] emotionality. And that includes me. Now,
[7:07] part of the reason is because I'm a high
[7:08] affect person because I am this mad
[7:11] scientist. Part of it is because when
[7:13] you wake up in the morning, especially a
[7:15] few, well, more like 45 minutes after
[7:18] you wake up, you get a spike of
[7:19] cortisol, which is a stress hormone. And
[7:21] that kind of that pours fuel on your
[7:23] high level of negative a effect. And and
[7:25] I'll top that off in my own case by
[7:27] being a pretty poor sleeper. It's not
[7:29] because I have bad sleep hygiene. It's
[7:31] because I come from a long line of
[7:32] insomniacs. I remember as a kid, any
[7:36] time that I would wake up, it was weird.
[7:38] If I would get up and go downstairs, I
[7:40] always found my dad and he was always,
[7:43] you know, drinking a cup of, you know,
[7:45] postm or hot chocolate or something. 2
[7:47] o'clock in the morning, he was up. 4:00
[7:49] in the morning, he was up until it
[7:50] finally occurred to me by the time I was
[7:52] about 11 years old. He never sleeps. I
[7:55] asked him about it. He said, "Yeah, my
[7:57] dad never slept either." He said, "Good
[7:59] luck to you, son." And sure enough, by
[8:02] the time I hit 40, it became a real
[8:03] problem. So, the result of it is that
[8:05] I'm always battling sleep issues. Um,
[8:07] I've got cortisol spikes in the morning
[8:09] like everybody and I'm a high and
[8:10] negative affect person. That all adds up
[8:13] to a big need for me to manage mood in
[8:16] the morning more than any other time. I
[8:19] have used all of my background in
[8:21] behavioral science and everything I've
[8:22] learned about biology as well to put
[8:25] together a morning protocol that is
[8:28] enhancing of my well-being by managing
[8:31] the negative side of my affect profile.
[8:33] And you can do it too. This is a
[8:36] six-part management protocol on negative
[8:39] a effect. Here's when it starts. Now,
[8:42] this is going to be a hard one. You're
[8:44] not going to necessarily like this. But
[8:46] to understand what I'm about to tell
[8:47] you, I want to take you not to some
[8:49] laboratory here in the United States,
[8:51] but from ancient wisdom across to the
[8:53] other side of the world. And I want to
[8:55] introduce the concept of Brahma Maherta.
[8:57] That's two words in Sanskrit that means
[9:00] creator's time. This is an ancient idea.
[9:02] It's probably about 6,000 years old.
[9:04] Now, Brahma, it refers to God or the
[9:07] Godhead. Muhorta is a specific period of
[9:10] time. It's 48 minutes to be exact. And
[9:13] so, the Brahma Muhorta specifically is
[9:15] two mahortas. Um, and and and that adds
[9:18] up to an hour and 36 minutes. Now, what
[9:21] is that all about? The idea of the
[9:23] Brahma Mahorta, the creator's time, is
[9:25] to get up an hour and 36 minutes before
[9:27] dawn. The the idea was in ancient
[9:31] ancient Vadic wisdom that you'd have a a
[9:33] particular kind of insight into the mind
[9:35] of the godhead. You'd have a special
[9:37] enlightenment. You'd have clarity of
[9:39] thinking an hour and 36 minutes before
[9:42] dawn. So don't miss it is what they were
[9:43] saying. Now of course there are no good
[9:46] treatment control experiments,
[9:48] peer-reviewed studies talking about
[9:50] exactly an hour and 36 minutes before
[9:52] dawn. And a lot of you are not going to
[9:54] get up an hour and 36 minutes before
[9:56] dawn. So you can have the special
[9:57] connection to to God. I know that. And
[10:00] especially if you're you live pretty far
[10:02] north in the middle of summer, there's
[10:04] no way you could get up an hour and 36
[10:05] minutes before dawn. I was talking about
[10:07] this uh this summer, this last summer
[10:09] when I was in Helsinki, and I was there
[10:11] at the end of June and and somebody
[10:13] pointed out that it doesn't get dark.
[10:15] So, you know, good luck to you on the
[10:16] Brahma Mortub. That's not the point. The
[10:19] basic point is that that that modern
[10:22] research shows that whether or not you
[10:25] can connect to the divine at this time
[10:26] or not that if you get up before dawn
[10:29] and this is based on treatment and
[10:31] control experiments again all of this
[10:33] research is going to go into the show
[10:34] notes don't worry but this is Kumar and
[10:36] Ragavendra and Mujanath in 2012 in the
[10:40] Indian Journal of Physiological
[10:41] Pharmarmacology. This is an excellent
[10:43] study that shows where students are in
[10:46] treatment and control, one gets up at
[10:47] 7:00 in the morning and the other gets
[10:49] up something like an hour before dawn
[10:51] and gets to work that the earlier group
[10:53] has significantly higher attentiveness
[10:56] and recall throughout the day. There's
[10:58] also higher levels of creativity and
[11:00] focus. If you get up before dawn, your
[11:03] work is going to be better. Now, that's
[11:05] not just a question of higher
[11:07] performance. It's also the case that
[11:09] people who witness the dawn, who are up
[11:11] before dawn and fully conscious and
[11:13] witness the dawn, they have lower levels
[11:15] of negative a effect. This is especially
[11:17] true for people who have seasonal
[11:18] effective disorder, people who have a
[11:20] lot of trouble with depression come
[11:22] January or February. It's actually
[11:24] pretty easy to get up before dawn in
[11:26] February because the sun is coming up so
[11:28] late. My advice is to use the happiness
[11:31] effect of this and the effectiveness the
[11:34] productivity effects of the brahma
[11:35] mhorta getting up before dawn in a way
[11:38] that that will significantly change your
[11:40] life. Now let me talk a little bit more
[11:42] about the science of how this works and
[11:44] how to use that time. I get up at 4:30.
[11:47] 4:30 is my rate my my time to to rise um
[11:50] from bed. But but I travel a lot too and
[11:53] so there are times when I'm really
[11:54] jetlagged and I have to alter that a
[11:56] little bit. But I always try to get up
[11:57] before dawn because of these these good
[11:59] effects which I've noticed in my life.
[12:01] I've seen in the research and I've been
[12:02] able to witness in my own life as well.
[12:04] Now you might be saying to yourself,
[12:05] "Yeah, man. Good good for you. You're
[12:07] obviously a morning lark." No, I'm not.
[12:10] And there's a lot of research on
[12:11] chronotypes. Chronotypes are the
[12:13] different kinds of people who are either
[12:16] night oriented people or more morning
[12:18] oriented people. And the morning lark
[12:21] versus the night owl.
[12:22] And there's interesting research on
[12:24] that, by the way, that shows that people
[12:26] who tend to be have trouble going to
[12:28] sleep and and want to sleep in, they
[12:30] probably have a circadian rhythm that's
[12:33] where the day in in their brain, the day
[12:35] is not 24 hours. It's a little bit
[12:37] longer. And and so the result of that is
[12:39] that they're not tired at night. They're
[12:40] chronically a little bit not tired at
[12:42] night. And and that's possibly the case.
[12:44] And if it is, it's almost certainly
[12:45] genetic. But we also have a ton of
[12:48] research out there that that chronotype
[12:50] is also extremely environmental. For the
[12:52] longest time, I never saw the sunrise. I
[12:54] I didn't all the way through my 20s, I
[12:56] was making my living as a professional
[12:57] musician. And uh and I got up when the
[13:00] sun was warm. I went I went to bed when
[13:03] it was nice and nice and late. And I
[13:05] always thought I was a night owl. Well,
[13:07] looking back on it, no, I was just a
[13:09] musician who drank too much. Now I don't
[13:11] drink at all. And it turns out it's
[13:13] easier to get up. Not super easy. I'm
[13:15] not one of those people who gets up
[13:16] without an alarm clock. No, I use an
[13:19] alarm clock every single day. I did this
[13:21] morning. It went off at 4:30 and I
[13:23] didn't like it. I said
[13:26] because that morning alarm is something
[13:28] I would like to sleep through. But
[13:30] winning the day is a big deal as the
[13:33] first battle in in in fighting negative
[13:37] affect and raising my well-being. And
[13:39] it's so effective that I jumped out of
[13:42] bed as I ordinarily do. Now, when does
[13:46] this morning at 4:30 start? The answer
[13:47] is last night, right? The the truth is
[13:50] that the most important way to be able
[13:52] to wake up early in the morning is to go
[13:53] go to bed on time and and I'm I'm I try
[13:56] to be in bed by 9:15. And for me, if I'm
[13:59] getting seven hours of sleep, that's a
[14:00] great night. And and I feel great. I
[14:02] don't fall asleep at the wheel. I'm not
[14:04] falling asleep during meetings. I don't
[14:06] I never take naps and I have plenty of
[14:07] energy. Right now, I'm taping this in
[14:09] the middle of the afternoon and I hope
[14:11] it's clear that I'm wide awake. One of
[14:13] the reasons that people don't aren't
[14:15] able to get to bed, especially in their
[14:16] 20s, I've written about this a little
[14:17] bit, is called nighttime
[14:19] procrastination. And what this is is a
[14:22] phenomenon where you're sort of
[14:23] rebelling against yourself, especially
[14:25] as a young adult. You remember, you have
[14:27] this vestigial memory being put to bed.
[14:29] You didn't want to be put to bed. And
[14:30] so, you rebel against it by even though
[14:33] you're the one setting the rules, it's
[14:35] unproductive. Remember, be
[14:36] metacognitive. I've talked about that in
[14:38] past episodes. Think about what is
[14:41] actually motivating you and you can
[14:43] manage yourself better. That's the first
[14:45] battle is getting to bed, waking up. For
[14:49] me, it's 4:30 now. The first thing that
[14:51] I do when I wake up, 15 minutes after I
[14:53] wake up, I'm in the gym. I'm very lucky.
[14:55] I have a gym in my house. That's a a
[14:58] musthave for me. I've had a gym in my
[15:00] house for a long time precisely because
[15:02] I get up so early. I don't feel like
[15:03] getting in the car. I want to go
[15:04] downstairs. I go down to my basement.
[15:06] I've got a real nice setup there. all
[15:08] the things that I actually need because
[15:09] I've been working out almost every day
[15:11] for the past 30 years. I'm a I'm a
[15:13] bonafide gym rat. Now, what do I not do?
[15:16] I don't ingest anything except for a
[15:18] little bit of electrolytes, creatine
[15:19] monohydrate, which is the thing. I used
[15:21] to take five grams a day of creatine
[15:23] monohydrate. I'm now taking 10 or even
[15:26] 15 because of the new research that
[15:27] shows that it has incredibly powerful
[15:30] neurocognitive benefits as well as the
[15:32] physiological benefits with respect to
[15:34] muscle protein synthesis or at least
[15:36] volumizing muscles when you're doing
[15:38] resistance training. And so the result
[15:40] of it is that that's all I'm taking.
[15:41] I'll talk to you in a minute about why
[15:43] I'm not taking anything else besides
[15:44] that when I start my workout. I work out
[15:47] 60 minutes a day and I work out seven
[15:49] days a week. Now you might be thinking
[15:51] that sounds insane. You do you. You got
[15:53] to figure out actually how much rest you
[15:54] need. But if you're working out seven
[15:56] days a week, you're obviously not
[15:57] working out the same muscles seven days
[15:59] a week. I'm 61 years old. I would be
[16:01] bent over and and and hurting all the
[16:04] time if I did that. I have all kinds of
[16:05] splits that I've been working on and I
[16:07] have routines and I have cycles that
[16:08] I've been doing for years and years. My
[16:10] protocols for exercise are something I'm
[16:12] going to cover in a future episode of
[16:13] the show. But, uh, boil it down to I'm
[16:16] doing a combination of zone 2 cardio.
[16:18] That's the cardio where you can actually
[16:20] talk. you're out you're you're you're
[16:21] breathing hard, but you can actually
[16:23] talk. You're not that out of breath. And
[16:25] and and serious resistance training. So,
[16:27] I'm either doing half and half or I'll
[16:29] do resistance training and then half an
[16:31] hour of zone 2 cardio or more likely
[16:33] I'll actually warm down with zone 2
[16:35] cardio. I start with 45 minutes of
[16:37] serious resistance training. I'm I'm
[16:39] lifting weights is what it comes down
[16:40] to. Later in the day, I always do a lot
[16:43] of steps. I get a lot of walking. Um,
[16:45] uh, Esther and I, we go out for a walk
[16:47] for about 40 minutes every night after
[16:49] dinner. We live in a nice neighborhood
[16:51] where we can walk around. We're unlikely
[16:53] to get run over by a car, and it's
[16:54] certainly not dangerous, and that's a
[16:55] real privilege, I have to say. But also,
[16:57] it's really good right after dinner to
[16:59] do that. It's uh it's good for your
[17:01] digestion. It has a lot of of protective
[17:04] benefits. Um, and it's one of the
[17:05] practices that my friend Dan Butner has
[17:07] talked about that people walk after
[17:09] meals are some of the healthiest,
[17:10] longest lived people in the world.
[17:12] Probably you've seen some of the science
[17:13] on that. Maybe I'll drop some of that in
[17:15] the show notes as well. Okay, so I'm
[17:17] starting my day at 4:30. Beep beep beep
[17:19] beep beep with the alarm clock. Side
[17:21] note, I don't use my phone to wake me
[17:23] up. Part of digital detox is detoxing
[17:26] from digital all night long. Starting an
[17:28] hour before I go to bed and and and an
[17:30] hour after I wake up and that means I
[17:32] got to wake up a different way. I have
[17:33] this incredible device. It's called a $5
[17:36] alarm clock that I got got off Amazon
[17:37] and it always works. Uh so I'm not using
[17:40] my phone. Very important, especially for
[17:42] a poor sleeper like me. I recommend it.
[17:44] Then within 15 minutes, I've got my
[17:46] workout drink and I'm down in the gym
[17:48] and I'm doing that for an hour. Okay.
[17:50] Now, there's a lot of research that
[17:52] suggests that that for different goals,
[17:55] different times of day for exercise
[17:57] might be better. Example, for muscle uh
[17:59] for muscle hypertrophy, it's probably a
[18:02] little bit better to work out later in
[18:04] the morning, middle of the day,
[18:05] sometimes even in the afternoon. I don't
[18:06] recommend working out right before you
[18:08] go to bed because that can stimulate a
[18:10] lot of cortisol and that can keep you
[18:11] awake and you don't want that. You want
[18:12] your melatonin, your cortisol to cross
[18:14] so that you can you can go to sleep. Um,
[18:17] but when we're talking about mood, you
[18:19] need to do your exercise when you need
[18:21] the exercise for mood management. This
[18:24] is the most powerful tool I've got over
[18:26] the course of the day. Okay, what do I
[18:28] know? People who have high levels of
[18:30] negative a effect, intense negative
[18:32] effect. Again, we're not talking about
[18:34] clinical problems here. We're not
[18:35] talking about mood disorders of clinical
[18:37] depression or generalized anxiety. We're
[18:38] just talking about above average
[18:40] negative a effect, intensity of negative
[18:42] emotion. There are some really bad ways
[18:44] to manage it and there's some really
[18:46] good ways to manage it. The single worst
[18:48] way for you to manage your negative
[18:50] affect is drugs and alcohol. If you're
[18:52] numbing yourself, you're going to have
[18:54] problems. The second worst way to to
[18:56] lower your negative affect is
[18:58] workcoholism. Just staying really really
[19:00] distracted from your own feelings. Don't
[19:01] do that. You're going to ruin your
[19:02] relationships. You're going to lower
[19:04] your quality of life. What are the good
[19:05] ways to do it? Well, to begin with, go
[19:07] pick up heavy things and run around.
[19:09] That's a great way to manage negative
[19:12] affect. And and here's the interesting
[19:14] point. I have found in my research that
[19:17] people who can't stay in the gym and who
[19:19] hate exercise and find a real trouble
[19:22] with the discipline to stay in stay in
[19:23] the gym, they almost always have below
[19:26] average intensity of negative affect.
[19:28] They're not mad scientists. What they
[19:30] are is cheerleaders generally speaking
[19:32] and and God love them. But that's what I
[19:35] find for the people who struggle with
[19:36] this. The people who say, "Yeah, I love
[19:38] getting in the gym. I get in the gym
[19:39] every day. This is not hard for me."
[19:41] That's because they notice that they
[19:42] feel better. Even though they can't
[19:44] quite articulate what's happening with
[19:46] their bodies, this is actually
[19:47] happening. They're regulating stress
[19:49] hormones and they didn't know it. So, if
[19:52] you struggle with it, congratulations.
[19:54] You probably don't have a high negative
[19:56] affect issue, but you still got to stay
[19:58] in the gym because it's good for you. Me
[19:59] on the other hand, I'm going for an hour
[20:01] a day at 4:45 every day for the rest of
[20:04] my life. And I hope that's a a bunch
[20:06] more years. That's step two. Get
[20:09] physical. When people ask me about
[20:11] happiness, I usually outline four areas
[20:14] of life. Faith, family, friendship, and
[20:16] meaningful work. But there's a fifth
[20:18] element that's also really important for
[20:21] well-being. Something that I pay a lot
[20:22] of attention to myself, and that's your
[20:24] health and fitness. Every morning, my
[20:27] happiness routine starts with a workout.
[20:29] And it's not just because I'm obsessed
[20:31] with bigger biceps and abs. That ship
[20:33] has sailed. Well, unhappiness and
[20:36] getting a better quality of life.
[20:37] Exercise and nutrition actually will do
[20:40] more for your well-being than most
[20:42] people imagine. That's why I love the
[20:44] Pump Club app. It's actually not about
[20:46] hacks and trends that promise a lot but
[20:48] don't deliver very much. As we all know,
[20:50] the app, which was built by Arnold
[20:52] Schwarzenegger, is called the positive
[20:55] corner of the internet because it brings
[20:56] people together to become healthier,
[20:58] fitter, and create better habits and a
[21:00] more joyful life. As a listener of
[21:02] office hours, you can get 50% off the
[21:04] monthly price and get an annual
[21:06] membership for just $79. That's just a
[21:09] little more than $6 per month for your
[21:11] health. Visit thepumpclub.com
[21:14] and use the code office hours at
[21:17] checkout. That's the type of investment
[21:19] that you want to make in your future.
[21:21] The next step, well, since we call that
[21:24] last step, get physical. Step three is
[21:26] get metaphysical. And I learned this one
[21:29] from my my extensive work with his
[21:31] holiness, the Daly Lama. Those of you
[21:32] who follow my work for a long time know
[21:34] for the past 13 years now, I've been
[21:36] working quite closely with his holiness.
[21:38] And I I go every year to Darm Solomon in
[21:40] the Himalayan foothills where his
[21:41] holiness has his monastery. And we've
[21:43] done a lot of programs together. we've
[21:45] written together. In a future episode of
[21:47] this show, I think a series of episodes
[21:49] on this show, we're going to show you uh
[21:51] content from from one of my last uh
[21:53] interactions with him. So, we'll do
[21:55] probably four episodes in a row where
[21:57] you'll meet the Daly Lama and and hear
[21:59] the conversations that we've had, which
[22:00] are very deep and and very meaningful.
[22:03] But, in my one of my first trips, I
[22:05] asked him about how he starts his day.
[22:07] I'm really interested in how people in
[22:09] different walks of life actually
[22:10] structure their day, how their their
[22:12] discipline works. He gets up super early
[22:14] earlier than me, like 3:30 in the
[22:16] morning. Uh he pedals on his bike on he
[22:20] has a bike. He has an exercise bike. I
[22:21] mean, he's got to stay in shape, too.
[22:23] And then his metaphysical experience
[22:26] starts with analytical meditation. Now,
[22:28] I know when you think meditation, as a
[22:30] westerner, you're probably thinking
[22:31] about single point meditation. You're
[22:33] trying to focus, trying to focus. And
[22:35] for most people, they're early in the
[22:37] morning. If they're doing that, even if
[22:39] you exercise first, you're going to fall
[22:40] asleep. aping to feel really groggy.
[22:42] Analytical meditation in Tibetan
[22:45] Buddhism is much like what Roman
[22:48] Catholics call mental prayer. And it
[22:51] what it is is you're contemplating a
[22:53] little passage in scripture or a saying
[22:56] or something wise and thinking about it
[22:58] what deeply deeply thinking about what
[23:01] it means to you in your life. That's how
[23:03] the Daly Lama starts. A couple hours
[23:05] that of that actually after his
[23:07] exercise, I thought to myself, yeah,
[23:08] it's really good because what do we
[23:10] need? We need body and soul. This is to
[23:12] manage your negative a effect to
[23:13] increase your happiness and and to make
[23:15] yourself more productive for the course
[23:16] of the day. This is a really good idea.
[23:18] I adopted that myself. Now, I'm a
[23:21] Catholic and it's really important to
[23:23] me. So, what do I do after I exercise
[23:24] for an hour? By this point, it's 5:45 in
[23:27] the morning. I go in, I take a shower
[23:29] and by about 6:10, I'm in the car
[23:31] because I go to church. I go to mass
[23:33] every day. Um, when I'm on the road and
[23:35] there isn't a church nearby, there's not
[23:36] a 6:30 mass. I pray an ancient venerable
[23:40] Catholic meditation called the the
[23:41] rosary which is a a series of repeated
[23:44] prayers over contemplation of certain
[23:46] mysteries in the life of Jesus. It's
[23:48] great. That's 25 minutes in the mass.
[23:50] The daily mass is 25 minutes. The the
[23:52] rosary takes about 25 minutes. And
[23:53] that's that metaphysical state where I'm
[23:55] I I I'm calibrating the work of the
[23:58] soul. I could also tell you actually
[24:00] what's probably going on in the
[24:02] hippocampus of the brain because there's
[24:04] brain science that accompanies all of
[24:06] the the metaphysics, all of the
[24:08] spiritual work. Of course, these two
[24:10] things work together. The net net result
[24:13] is I'm ready to work when I'm done. And
[24:15] I'm a lot less on edge as a result of
[24:19] that because I've done those two things
[24:20] together. I've worked my body, I've
[24:22] worked my mind, I've worked my soul,
[24:24] I've worked my heart, and that's done at
[24:27] seven. That's part three. Now, you're
[24:31] not Catholic and you're not a meditator.
[24:33] You can still do this. You find your
[24:34] way. Some people will talk about this by
[24:37] by uh by by journaling for 20 minutes or
[24:40] half an hour. Doing something that's
[24:42] contemplative. That's what you need.
[24:44] Something that's calm, that's focused,
[24:46] that's centering, that's highly
[24:47] metacognitive, where you're thinking
[24:49] about thinking. That's what you actually
[24:51] need. That's what your brain needs. Why?
[24:54] Because when you're in a naturally high
[24:55] level of of of negative emotional affect
[24:59] um you need to to to pay attention to
[25:02] that to manage that. You need to be in
[25:04] an active posture of managing your
[25:06] limbic system so your limbic system
[25:08] isn't managing you. That's what I'm
[25:10] doing when I'm at mass or when I'm
[25:12] praying my rosary. That's what the Daly
[25:13] Lama is doing in analytical analytical
[25:15] meditation. That's what you can do using
[25:17] any of these metacognitive techniques
[25:20] from journaling to um to to prayer to
[25:23] any form of meditation that you like.
[25:26] Find something that you get really good
[25:27] at. And that, my friends, is step three,
[25:31] getting metaphysical. There's a lot of
[25:32] research behind uh in the neuroscience
[25:35] and benefits. Let let me drop some of
[25:37] that stuff in the in the in the show
[25:39] notes as well where meditation even by
[25:42] the way among in completely
[25:44] inexperienced meditators a lot of people
[25:46] beat themselves up like I'm terrible
[25:47] meditator you're really going to judge
[25:49] yourself on that even for very short
[25:51] periods it it significantly lowers
[25:54] negative a effect because of the
[25:55] metacognitive metacognitive effects that
[25:57] we're talking about here really good
[25:59] study um in that's in in behavioral
[26:02] brain research um from 2019 I'll drop
[26:05] that in the show notes that that gives
[26:07] you treatment and control experiments
[26:08] that actually how that works.
[26:10] Interestingly, one of the one of the the
[26:12] the neural effects that we see in
[26:15] studies of the brain are that when that
[26:18] that people who are more depressed, they
[26:20] have lower hippocample volume. And what
[26:22] we find is that both exercise and
[26:25] meditation, people who are exercisers
[26:27] over the long period and people who are
[26:31] meditators over the long haul, they
[26:33] actually have higher hypocample volume.
[26:35] In other words, this is
[26:37] neurohysiologically protective. This
[26:39] this induces changes, biological changes
[26:42] to the brain almost certainly. Okay.
[26:45] Now, one thing you might have noticed is
[26:48] I haven't said anything about psycho
[26:49] stimulants. Uh, don't use any
[26:51] imagination on that. I mean coffee. I
[26:53] haven't had any coffee yet. You might
[26:55] say to yourself, "Okay, sure. Sure,
[26:56] buddy. I'll get up at 4:30 in the
[26:58] morning, but I'm hitting the espresso
[26:59] machine first. That's my first stop,
[27:01] right?" No, I don't recommend that. I
[27:04] actually strongly recommend against
[27:05] doing that. And I know it makes it
[27:07] harder, but I but but trust me, when you
[27:08] get used to this, you're going to love
[27:10] the results of what we do. Now, I'm not
[27:13] one of those guys who just doesn't hear
[27:15] about coffee. On the contrary, I grew up
[27:16] in Seattle and I was a kid in middle
[27:21] school when there was one Starbucks. I'm
[27:23] talking about the 70s, 1978. It was near
[27:26] my house, near enough to my house I
[27:28] could walk there cuz I didn't have a
[27:29] driver's license obviously. And I would
[27:31] walk down to the first Starbucks and
[27:33] I've been drinking Starbucks dark roast
[27:36] coffee since I was 14 years old, 13
[27:40] years old. Yeah, man. I've got a
[27:42] grizzled adrenal system. Yeah, a little
[27:46] respect here. I've been doing that for
[27:47] the longest time. And that's one of the
[27:49] reasons I love Darkhorse coffee because
[27:50] Starbucks coffee was traditionally like
[27:52] super super like burnt. Doesn't taste
[27:54] burnt to me. You could introduce
[27:56] something called Indonesian ashes. And I
[27:58] would buy it and I would drink it
[28:00] because I love that stuff. So yeah, I
[28:02] love coffee for sure, but I don't drink
[28:04] it when I first wake up. And there's a
[28:05] whole bunch of reasons for that. As a
[28:07] matter of fact, I don't have my first
[28:08] cup of coffee until 7:30 in the morning.
[28:09] Sounds early. Not if you're waking up at
[28:11] 4:30. I don't drink it for the first 3
[28:13] hours. And there's a lot of research
[28:15] that talks about why that might be the
[28:17] case. Now, if you watch a lot of other
[28:19] fitness and and and biology based kind
[28:22] of shows on this, you know that that
[28:24] caffeine works by blocking adenosine
[28:26] receptors. Adenosine is an inhibitory uh
[28:30] neurochemical. What it does is it kind
[28:32] of your brain is always in a in a state
[28:35] of homeostasis between excitatory and
[28:37] inhibitory neuromodulators or or or or
[28:40] neurotransmitters. And and what they're
[28:42] doing is ppping you up and calming you
[28:44] down such that you're not too up or too
[28:46] down all day long. And they're always up
[28:47] and they're always on and off. And and
[28:48] one of the ones that keeps you groggy or
[28:50] makes you calmer and groggier is
[28:53] adenosine. When you wake up in the
[28:54] morning, there's a lot of circulating
[28:56] adenosine in your brain. It's one of the
[28:57] reasons that you still feel groggy. Now,
[28:59] how does caffeine work? Caffeine works
[29:02] by going in the the the the little
[29:04] sockets that the that adenosine is
[29:07] ideally suited for because the the
[29:09] molecule is shaped the same way and when
[29:11] it does that adenosine can't get into
[29:13] the receptor and so it can't it can't
[29:16] make you groggy. So when the when when
[29:19] caffeine which very quickly crosses the
[29:21] bloodb brain barrier and goes into the
[29:23] receptors for adenosine the denosine has
[29:25] no place to go and that's why you feel
[29:27] that's why you feel peppy from the
[29:29] coffee. The the problem is that if you
[29:32] leave and this is one of the theories
[29:33] this is a like everything else in
[29:34] neuroscience this is a highly contested
[29:36] theory. So um but I find it compelling
[29:38] nonetheless. So take it as you will.
[29:39] These are by the way if you're keeping
[29:41] track these are A2A adenosine receptors.
[29:43] There's a number of different kinds. The
[29:45] problem is that when you block all the
[29:46] adenosine receptors, when there's a lot
[29:48] of adenosine that's circulating in your
[29:50] brain first thing in the morning, the
[29:52] adenosine is going to keep circulating
[29:53] in your brain when the when inevitably
[29:55] you metabolize the caffeine usually at 2
[29:58] or 3 in the afternoon because it takes a
[30:00] while. There's a halfife for the
[30:01] caffeine. All the adenosine is going to
[30:03] go into the receptors at the same time
[30:04] is going to give you a crash. That's one
[30:06] of the explanations that people often
[30:08] give for the caffeine crash or the
[30:10] coffee crash that you or the energy
[30:12] crash that you get in the in early
[30:13] afternoon. If you wait until you cleared
[30:15] the adenosine naturally, you don't get
[30:18] the crash. That's the theory. I've
[30:19] tested it out. It completely works for
[30:22] me. You try it delay your caffeine
[30:25] consumption. But more than that, it
[30:28] actually it it actually helps mood. A2A
[30:31] adenosine receptors are pretty
[30:32] interesting because you find that people
[30:33] with high stress, high,
[30:37] you know, negative affect, they tend to
[30:39] have a lot of A2A receptors. It's one of
[30:42] the reasons that that coffee blocking
[30:44] those receptors makes them feel so much
[30:46] better. But you want to do it when
[30:49] you're not going to get a whole bunch of
[30:50] adenosine coming in behind it because if
[30:52] you if you drink your coffee too early
[30:54] and you get the crash in the afternoon,
[30:55] there's a lot of adenosine going into
[30:56] the receptors at 2 or 3 in the
[30:58] afternoon. You're going to feel really
[31:00] crummy and your high negative affect is
[31:02] going to come back in a rush. If you're
[31:04] a naturally high negative affect person
[31:05] like me, you get the point that I'm
[31:07] trying to make. So wait, wait, wait. And
[31:10] I like waiting three hours. It's a
[31:12] really good feeling because I'm not
[31:14] trying to wake myself up. On the
[31:16] contrary, I'm trying to use caffeine to
[31:19] focus. This is where it gets really
[31:21] good. That's step four, the magic bean
[31:25] at 7:30. Now, my day is really, really
[31:28] starting at 7:30 in the morning. And you
[31:30] might say, when do you eat breakfast?
[31:32] That's when I eat breakfast. And and
[31:33] that's when I'm I'm eating my first very
[31:35] high protein meal. I keep a very high
[31:37] protein diet because I want to be able
[31:38] to have a relatively efficient level of
[31:41] mus muscle protein synthesis, which
[31:43] means I need to eat a much higher
[31:45] protein diet than I would have when I
[31:46] was 50 or 40 or 30 um when you I mean
[31:50] you can have a piece of beef jerky and
[31:52] build muscle when you're 20 for Pete's
[31:53] sake. But now you have to eat a lot more
[31:55] protein because your your body is less
[31:57] efficient at doing that. So I try to eat
[32:00] between 175 and 200 grams of protein a
[32:02] day. My natural body weight is 170
[32:04] pounds and I'm trying to stay at that,
[32:07] you know, one gram per pound of body
[32:09] weight or a little bit above. That's why
[32:11] it's a little margin for error on that.
[32:14] And that means that I'm going to have to
[32:16] eat high protein meals starting
[32:18] absolutely first thing of the day. So my
[32:20] first meal actually does two things for
[32:22] me. And that's I eat it just as I'm
[32:24] making my coffee at 7:30 in the morning.
[32:26] And this is step five. I call this
[32:28] tryptophan time. Now, I know when you
[32:30] refer to tryptophan, tryptophan is the
[32:32] thing you get in the turkey, right? I'm
[32:33] not eating a turkey dinner for
[32:34] breakfast. Trust me, I'm weird, but I'm
[32:36] not that weird. And that's gross. Um, I
[32:40] eat Greek unflavored non-fat Greek
[32:42] yogurt, which I put a scoop of whey
[32:44] protein into, and then I mix it up with
[32:47] with um walnuts, which are really good
[32:49] for you, and berries, which have a low
[32:51] glycemic index, and they're really high
[32:53] in antioxidants. So, I usually
[32:55] blackberries, blueberries, I like
[32:57] strawberries. Um, and and I sometimes
[32:59] I'll put in a little bit of stevia to
[33:01] make it a little bit sweeter, but that's
[33:03] real high in tryptophan and and I'm
[33:06] usually getting about 60 grams of
[33:07] protein for breakfast with a very very
[33:09] good nutritional profile. It's low in
[33:11] carbohydrate. It's it's relatively it's
[33:14] relatively low in fat as well. And it
[33:17] makes me feel great. It keeps me full
[33:18] all through the morning and fueled up.
[33:20] And it's I got my first 60 grams of
[33:22] protein out of the way. I'm not hungry
[33:24] until noon or 12:30 when I have my next
[33:27] very proteinrich meal, which is
[33:29] generally speaking cottage cheese,
[33:31] chicken, vegetables or something like
[33:33] that. And and I do eat a lot of
[33:35] vegetables to make sure that I get a
[33:36] proper amount of all the other
[33:37] micronutrients that that the vegetables
[33:39] are going to bring. So I usually eat,
[33:40] you know, five, seven, even nine
[33:42] servings of vegetables a day. I guess I
[33:44] would count the berries in that to start
[33:46] the day as well. Now, one source of
[33:48] protein that's not good for this, by the
[33:49] way, is collagen. Collagen protein is
[33:52] very low in tryptophan. Why am I talking
[33:53] about tryptophan? Because tryptophan
[33:55] actually has a nice effect on on uh on
[33:59] your neurochemistry. Most notably, that
[34:01] high tryptophan diet actually will
[34:03] increase the amount of serotonin in your
[34:05] brain, which makes you feel calmer,
[34:07] which is good for your negative affect.
[34:09] And so, you eat 60 grams of protein and
[34:12] in Greek yogurt, and you're going to
[34:14] say, "I think I can face the I think I
[34:17] can face the world. I'm not quite sure
[34:18] why." That's why tryptophan serotonin
[34:22] calm and is better. There's a great
[34:24] paper on this that I'd like you to read
[34:26] if you're wondering about some of these
[34:27] issues. And just for just for laughs,
[34:30] I'm going to tell you that here's the
[34:31] title of the paper. This is why I love
[34:33] academia. Here's the title of the paper.
[34:35] The boine protein alpha lactobumin
[34:38] increases the plasma ratio of tryptophan
[34:40] to the other large neutral amino acids
[34:42] and in vulnerable subjects raises brain
[34:44] serotonin activity, reduces cortisol
[34:46] concentration and improves mood under
[34:48] stress. That's not the article, that's
[34:51] the title. Anyway, um it'll go in the
[34:53] show notes. Go read it. Okay, so where
[34:55] are we? That's step five is is
[34:57] tryptophan. And man, at this point, 7:45
[35:00] in the morning and I'm ready to rock and
[35:02] roll. I'm ready to face the day. I mean,
[35:04] I'm I'm set up. My my negative a effect
[35:07] is managed. My my u my focus and
[35:10] creativity are really working great. One
[35:13] of the wonderful things about the the
[35:14] caffeine that I've ingested and I'm not
[35:16] embarrassed to tell you that I've
[35:17] probably at this point I'm in the middle
[35:19] of about 20 ounces of Starbucks dark
[35:23] roast coffee. I like French roast
[35:24] because it's the most burnt. Um is that
[35:28] what that's doing is just vacuuming
[35:29] dopamine into my prefrontal cortex. Most
[35:31] of you know that dopamine is a is a
[35:34] neurom modulator that's implicated in a
[35:35] lot of different things. Anticipation of
[35:37] reward, for example, wanting, learning,
[35:39] liking, but also creativity and focus.
[35:42] I'm ready to go and my job is creative
[35:44] stuff. I have to prepare this podcast. I
[35:46] write my column. I'm always working on a
[35:48] book. I'm preparing my lectures for the
[35:50] university. I need creative focus and I
[35:53] need big ideas. And what I'm coming out
[35:55] of the shoot with in the next two hours
[35:56] is my absolute best work. I promise you
[35:59] that this setup of what I've done about
[36:02] Brahma Mhorta and the hardcore exercise
[36:05] and the metaphysics and then the coffee
[36:09] and the tryptophan and altogether what
[36:11] this is adding up to is the perfect
[36:13] neurochemical millu where I can do this
[36:15] work that I wouldn't be able to do
[36:16] otherwise. Now what I've noticed is that
[36:18] a lot of people waste this time. They
[36:21] waste this time by checking email and
[36:23] reading the paper. And it's kind of
[36:25] like, you know, before a dog wants to
[36:27] get into its bed and go to sleep, it
[36:28] kind of circles the bed and circles the
[36:30] bed like 90 times. Don't do that. Don't
[36:33] waste your neurochemistry. Don't waste
[36:35] the dopamine in your prefrontal cortex.
[36:37] You got to be good to go. Leave all that
[36:40] stuff aside. Don't take any Zoom
[36:41] meetings, friends. Don't take any phone
[36:44] calls. Look at your phone once every
[36:47] hour. There's nothing good coming in.
[36:49] Don't read the paper yet. go. When I do
[36:51] that, I can actually get two hours of
[36:55] super high quality creative work and
[36:58] about four hours total of creative work.
[37:00] And I can get a lot done. I can get more
[37:02] done between 8:00 and noon with this
[37:05] setup. I mean, and and this requires
[37:08] that nobody bug me and that nobody bug
[37:10] you. This is sacred time for you. I can
[37:13] get more done in that time than I would
[37:14] have been able to do when I was a
[37:15] younger man in 3 days. I'm like super
[37:19] human because of the way this whole
[37:21] thing is set up. I'm in the flow. I'm in
[37:24] the flow for the rest of the day. And
[37:25] the neuroscientific benefits of this
[37:27] really are related to what Chik sent
[37:30] Nihi, the great social psychologist,
[37:32] would call the flow state. Um I'll throw
[37:34] something on the flow state into the
[37:36] into the show notes as well. Um I've got
[37:38] a nice paper here in Horizons of
[37:40] Psychology called the experience of flow
[37:42] and subjective well-being in music
[37:44] students, which I like an awful lot. But
[37:46] you got to set yourself up
[37:47] neurochemically to be in the flow. And
[37:50] part of that is making sure you've
[37:51] managed your negative a effect, your
[37:53] high levels of negative affect. This is
[37:55] my morning protocol, my friends. I hope
[37:57] this is useful to you. Does it sound
[37:59] insane? All right, try it. And then
[38:02] experiment on yourself. This is the
[38:04] result of my experiments. You need the
[38:06] result of your experiments. Tell me how
[38:09] you're altering it. Tell me how you're
[38:10] doing it differently. Put it in the
[38:12] show. Put it under in in the comments on
[38:14] any platform you're looking on this. I'm
[38:16] going to be reading those comments and I
[38:17] want to see what's working for you,
[38:19] what's not working for you, what works
[38:21] better for you, how you interpret the
[38:23] the the research differently than I do,
[38:25] any objections that you have to this.
[38:27] But if all of this is new for you, use
[38:29] this as a template. Um, you'll see in,
[38:32] you know, in the in the show notes that
[38:34] this is all kind of laid out. If you're
[38:36] if you're missing it, you don't have to
[38:37] rewind and watch the whole show again,
[38:39] but you might want to. Hope that's
[38:41] useful. It's a good way for me to start
[38:44] this day. It's how I'm starting
[38:45] tomorrow, too, and every day. Uh, let's
[38:48] go to some audience questions. Love it.
[38:49] I've got a couple of really interesting
[38:51] ones. Um, one that came in over YouTube.
[38:53] This is a skeleton. Skeleton skeleton
[38:57] one. Interesting question. How do we
[38:59] stay compassionate while protecting
[39:02] ourselves? This is based on something
[39:03] I've done in in in previous episodes.
[39:05] I'm talking an awful lot about how this
[39:07] is the the art of happiness is not just
[39:10] about trying to get happier. The real
[39:12] art of happiness is making other people
[39:13] happier, lifting other people up. Um,
[39:15] but in so doing, good questions,
[39:18] skeleton naw, one, how do you stay
[39:20] compassionate toward others while still
[39:22] protecting yourself? Now, the way to do
[39:23] this is by understanding the difference
[39:25] between empathy and compassion. Empathy
[39:28] is a very overused emotion. It really is
[39:30] about feeling somebody else's pain. We
[39:32] valorize that a lot because feelings are
[39:34] such a big deal, man. This is how I
[39:36] feel. As a matter of fact, a lot of
[39:38] reasons that people can't follow this
[39:39] protocol I've talked about here is
[39:41] because they're comfy between the sheets
[39:44] at 4:30 in the morning and they don't
[39:45] feel like getting up. Win the day, man.
[39:49] All of us, we should be doing that. And
[39:51] and one of the ways that we can do that
[39:52] is by being a little bit skeptical about
[39:55] the overused emotion of empathy. I'm not
[39:57] against empathy. I just think it's
[39:58] incomplete. What I like is compassion.
[40:00] Compassion and empathy are not the same
[40:02] thing. Compassion is a is a is a an
[40:05] algorithm that contains empathy. It
[40:07] starts with an understanding of what
[40:09] somebody is suffering. Number two is
[40:12] enough feeling of that person's pain for
[40:15] you to deepen your understanding and
[40:17] want to act, but not too much because
[40:19] you don't want to be paralyzed. The
[40:20] third is understanding what to do. And
[40:24] the fourth is having the conviction and
[40:25] the courage to do it. And a lot of the
[40:27] time compassion is is flinty hard. It's
[40:30] something that people don't want. I've I
[40:31] I had three teenagers that I raised and
[40:33] and they they made it all the way into
[40:35] their 20s and they're having their own
[40:36] kids now and they're struggling with
[40:38] their own toddlers, which is just
[40:40] awesome to watch them struggle. And I
[40:42] say I'm I'm so sympathetic. I'm always
[40:44] saying things like, "Oh, I'm sorry. His
[40:47] his diaper exploded on the plane. I'm so
[40:49] sorry." And you know, I don't think he's
[40:51] I don't I don't think he's possessed by
[40:53] Satan. It's great. I'm having so much
[40:55] shod. Anyway, I digress. The point is
[40:58] when I had teenage kids, it was very
[41:01] important to be compassionate and not
[41:02] just empathetic. If you just are
[41:04] empathetic and your kids are doing
[41:06] something they shouldn't be doing, it's
[41:07] bad for them. You're a bad parent.
[41:09] Furthermore, I wouldn't be able to
[41:10] protect myself emotionally. There's an
[41:12] old saying that you're never you're
[41:14] never happier than your unhappiest
[41:16] child. That's bad parenting. Nobody
[41:18] wants an unhappy mother. Nobody wants an
[41:21] unhappy father. Your job is to take care
[41:24] of yourself and give your kids what they
[41:25] actually need. So,
[41:27] Skelton one um compassion not empathy.
[41:31] Next question. This is from Eduardo
[41:33] Sorya U 638 also on YouTube. Couple of
[41:37] good YouTube questions today. Is there a
[41:39] direct relation between anger and lack
[41:41] of happiness? Yes. Yes, there is. And
[41:43] this gets back to what we've talked
[41:44] about with respect to the liyic system
[41:45] and positive and negative emotionality.
[41:47] The four negative emotions are fear,
[41:49] anger, disgust, and sadness. So anger is
[41:53] you know implicates the amygdala part of
[41:55] the lyic system. It's part of your fight
[41:57] orflight response. Fight is anger.
[41:59] Flight is generally associated with
[42:01] fear. The same basic setup different
[42:03] kinds of reactions. And these are
[42:05] negative emotions. Now negative
[42:06] emotions, don't forget these are an
[42:08] indication that something isn't right
[42:11] and you need to react. So thank God for
[42:13] your amydala and thank God for these
[42:14] negative emotions. You're you would have
[42:16] been dead a thousand times over were it
[42:18] not for these negative emotions to be
[42:20] sure. but they're not pleasant because
[42:21] they're not supposed to be. So, you're
[42:24] not feeling happy when you're angry.
[42:26] That's just the fact. Also, when you're
[42:28] disgusted, sad, or afraid, you're not
[42:30] feeling happy. And you're not supposed
[42:31] to feel happy under the circumstances.
[42:34] That's perfect and fine. The problem is
[42:36] when anger is disregulated, when anger
[42:39] is disequilibrated, when you're when
[42:41] you've got a hair trigger, when you're
[42:42] having to apologize because of your bad
[42:44] temper, or when you when you simply are
[42:48] not too not just too fast to anger, but
[42:50] you're angry too much of the time and
[42:52] for too long. There's interesting
[42:53] research that suggests that people who
[42:55] have this hair trigger and are angry all
[42:57] the time, they literally have a bigger
[42:58] amygdala than the average person.
[43:00] Physically bigger uh amygdala. And you
[43:03] need to take care of that. you need to
[43:04] actually self-regulate. That doesn't
[43:06] mean you need to go on some sort of
[43:07] pharmaceutical regimen. What it means is
[43:09] you need metacognitive techniques. Count
[43:11] to 10, count to 100, prayer, journaling,
[43:15] meditation. There's a lot of different
[43:16] ways to therapy. There's a lot of
[43:18] different ways to deal with this. But
[43:20] the whole point is that don't worry
[43:22] about your negative emotionality until
[43:25] it becomes disregulated, at which point
[43:26] you don't want to eliminate it. You want
[43:28] to learn to manage it using many of the
[43:30] techniques that we've talked about right
[43:32] here. Thanks for that question. It's
[43:34] terrific. And we've come to the end of
[43:35] the episode. Ah, the mad scientist
[43:38] morning protocol. Hope it's useful for
[43:39] you and I can't wait to see your
[43:40] feedback on this as well. Um, let me
[43:43] know your thoughts at office hours.com
[43:45] or leave your comments on any platform
[43:47] that you're using. We will see them.
[43:49] Like and subscribe on Spotify, YouTube,
[43:52] and Apple. Leave a comment. Um, even if
[43:54] it's negative, we want to see it. We
[43:56] want to make the show as good as it can
[43:57] possibly be. Follow me on Instagram. Uh,
[44:00] Arthur Cbrooks is my handle. on
[44:02] LinkedIn, all the other platforms. And
[44:04] don't forget to order the happiness
[44:05] files, my latest book, Insights on Work
[44:08] and Life. I hope you have a wonderful
[44:10] week. Tell your friends. We need another
[44:12] couple million or billion people
[44:14] watching this so that we can change the
[44:15] world together. Join me in being a
[44:17] happiness teacher. And until next time,
[44:20] stay happy.
[44:21] [Music]